Stupid Saturday – Main Aurr Mrs. Khanna

Oh lordy.

I watched Main Aurr Mrs Khanna (English: Me and Mrs. Khanna. Or I and Mrs. Khanna. Or Mrs. Khanna and I. Or however you feel like translating it) because…

…I really wanted to give away two and a half hours of my life?

Actually, I watched it because Netflix told me it had Govinda in it. And I figured, Salman Khan, Kareena Kapoor, and Govinda— it’s got to be at least pathetically hilarious if nothing else, right?

Well, Netflix lied. It doesn’t have Govinda in it. Nope. Not even one little friendly appearance. I was cheated! Ripped off! Hustled!

Perhaps I am the one who cheated myself by finishing this movie. Haha.

Now, remember when we said we were going to be nice about Bollywood, all the time, and embrace it for its love of life and all that other hippie garbage? What fools we were!

Kidding, kidding. I’m here to tell you about the positive parts of Main Aurr Mrs. Khanna.

..- okay, okay.

Actually, I liked this movie because it had Salman Khan in it. Sallu swaggered and charmed his way into a very special place in our hearts a long time ago, and no matter how many truly pathetic films he makes, we will still be delighted whenever he shows up on screen.

He was really… Salman-y in this film.

So, plot. There is none. No, really, this time I mean it. Almost the entire thing is spent sitting around in an airport. But here goes:

Salman who plays some guy named Something-or-other Khanna (I cannot for the life of me remember the characters’ names) meets and marries Kareena, who is an orphan, and they move to Australia. Salman loses his job, and Kareena is helping keep them afloat by working as a waitress. Salman has to go away to get a job and regain his honor as man of the Khanna house. He and Kareena go to the airport. He plans to send Kareena to live with his parents, but his flight leaves first (I can’t remember where he went. It’s immaterial, as we only ever see him in the other airport, wherever it is he is) and Kareena decides not to get on her flight. She stays and gets a job in the airport.

There she meets Sohail Khan‘s character. I am not a Sohail Khan fan. Sohail is the brother of Salman Khan and Arbaaz Khan. Salman and Arbaaz got the good looks and charisma in the family and left none for Sohail. I would pity him for this, but it’s impossible. Sohail produced this movie, so I guess he thought he deserved a part in it. I can’t argue with his logic, but I can disdain it. Hem hem.

Sohail’s character and Kareena’s character sort of hit it off. Sort of. They get a song, anyway. Sohail always calls her Mrs. Khanna. And then Kareena’s work permit expires, so she and Sohail concoct a plan to apply for a marriage license so she can continue to work in Australia. I was a bit puzzled how this helped them, since I don’t think you’re allowed to practice polygamy in Australia, and her character was already married.

o.O

And then Salman comes back and he’s all manly and all “I have a job and we are rich again and life is good” and Kareena is all “Oh boy yay that’s so great see you later, airport losers”.

Then some other things happen, and there is a raunchy dance scene with Preity Zinta. Come on, Preity! You’re no item girl!

Salman accidentally finds the application for the marriage license for Kareena and Sohail. This is a movie, so, of course, without waiting for an explanation, he leaves.

And then he acts all depressed and it rains and he decides he needs to go back to Kareena. So he does. And then they get on a plane to go somewhere, and Sohail sends Kareena flowers and a card (and for some reason it’s written in transliterated Hindi) and she finds out his last name is Khanna, which is why he always called her Mrs. Khanna. Then the movie is, thankfully, over.

Hey, that was kind of fun.

I did recommend one song from this movie. I really enjoyed Tum Ne Socha. It reminds me of cheesy American 80s love songs, in a good way. Don’t Say Alvida is sort of catchy, and if you would like to be freaked out of your mind, check out those dancing scarecrows at 1:37. Zoinks!
The song Mrs. Khanna is sort of catchy, too, but I found it distasteful. I don’t remember why; I guess I have blocked it from my memory.

So… is it ever a good idea to watch this movie? I was going to say, “Yes, if you’re desperate for a Salman Khan movie”. But considering he’s been in over 80 films, you can probably find a better one. The same goes for Kareena Kapoor, even though she hasn’t done that many films (yet).

The part that bothers me the most is that Deepika Padukone makes an appearance at the end, and I didn’t know it was her. But I’m not about to go back and look!

Bappi Lahiri hangs around for the entire film, but I wasn’t really sure who he is. Was? Is? I still am not.

This film is a mess! However, it’s not the worst thing ever. And it’s in Hindi, which I always enjoy. But life is short. And there are a lot of Amitabh Bachchan movies you haven’t seen. What am I saying? You’re smart. Figure it out.

Salman Khan, we salute you, for doing that thing you do. But please don’t do that again.

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