Stupid Saturday – Love Story 2050

(alternately titled Since I Knew It Was a Bad Movie, Why Did I Watch It?)

So this movie was on Hulu. I knew it was a bad movie. And not just in the sense of, it’s weird or confusing (like Jaan-e-Mann for example, which I will maintain is in fact a good movie), but actually just a bad movie. But I’m a sucker for punishment. And was just very curious. So here goes. (Technically speaking, there may be some spoilers, but I seriously doubt it will affect your viewing of the movie. If you do view it which I don’t recommend)

Karan (Harman Baweja doing a remarkable and really annoying imitation of young Hrithik Roshan) is a rich young man whose father doesn’t have time for him. The film makes us aware of this very subtly with just a hint . . . Okay, maybe not subtlety. But lots of good movies aren’t all that subtle, right? Right?

So he meets this girl through a case of mistaken identity (really? in a Bollywood movie?) and insists on a date. She refuses. Later he sees her on a bus and chases it down

(the lack of realism doesn’t bother me much; it’s more the lack of realism combined with a set of characters that it is impossible to care about, and believe me, I know; I tried) And he proceeds to hang around and bother her until she goes out with him. (there is such a fine line between sweet and really, really creepy, isn’t there?)

He convinces her to steal something just for fun (and I am thinking here What on EARTH? and continued to ask myself the question for the rest of the movie) and she steals this (and immediately comes up with a weird name for it): Yep, Winkydinks. I’ve already overloaded on cutesy and the movie is still beginning. Yikes.

She later asks him to tell her about himself. The question I would be asking is What the heck is wrong with you? And why are you pretending to be Hrithik Roshan?

Ah. He has all the time in the world. Perhaps this explains why the sci-fi, 2050 part can just wait, apparently. Well, I have news for you: we don’t have all the time in the world so could we get to the plot, please? When we did get to the “plot” if that’s what you want to call it, I regretted thinking that. Honestly, we were better off without it. Anyway, MOVING RIGHT ALONG.

She says she’s leaving, but he can see her off if he wants to and he’s like Because he hates goodbyes and what’s the use and all that stuff. This was the point when I realized that the characters actually have no motivation for their actions whatsoever. They just do vaguely melodramatic stuff and hope for the best. It was actually quite a freeing realization actually; I discovered I need waste no time or energy trying to figure out why they do anything.

The next day he decides he needs to see her off (presumably in order not to lose contact with her forever), but gets caught in traffic and misses the train. I sort of wonder why he didn’t just ask for her address or her number or something before she left, but I guess that misses the point. So now we finally get vaguely close to the sci-fi stuff when a butterfly tells Karan (at least it doesn’t actually speak but still) where what’s-her-name (oh, yeah, Sana) was going and he happens to have an uncle who lives there. So he goes to stay with his Uncle Ya (Boman Irani, in a sort of proto-ViruS look)

and  he searches for Sana. And finds her and all that. And she has a mother who asks him to dinner. And Sana says this: Which I can only assume is a reference to Koffee with Karan and is meant to be some kind of joke. Okay, actually, it amused me. Anyway stuff happens, and it turns out Sana’s mother never taught her to look both ways before she crosses the street. Karan carries her to his car . . . and keeps his arm underneath her while she’s dying which just looks very uncomfortable for the poor injured girl (seriously, that’s all I was thinking during this scene) And then Uncle Ya makes his time machine work and they’re going to go into the past and save Sana, but it’s locked onto Mumbai 2050 so they do that instead. After all, Sana must be reincarnated, right? (I guess future Karan just gets a raw deal, but that’s life)

We find out that Sana’s brother and sister have snuck along and they stick around and annoy us for the rest of the movie, despite the fact that they serve no narrative purpose whatever. (That’s this movie for you)

And they meet a robot. It shows them that the robots have a code of behavior

And then . . . “And we love kids, too!” Take that, Isaac Asimov! You can’t beat that, can you? They love kids too!

You really realize that it’s set in India when the robot (who has taken to calling Karan “Sec C” [say it out loud] which is short for “section C” for a reason that I can’t remember) explains that you can be arrested at any time for not having ID, and instead of saying “What? It’s a totalitarian police state?!?!?” they apparently feel that this is pretty reasonable. So they proceed to get themselves some fake ID.Why, yes, the computer does say “Fake ID Activated” but we have no idea why. And they see some random futuristic stuff

Yes, the man is charming a robotic snake. Why? We never know. Even better are the leaf-vacuum shoes. Probably the most impractical way to clean anything I’ve ever seenand find out the Sana is now Zeisha, a popstar. All in a day’s work.

And Zeisha shows up and sings a song that begins “Hey you, lover boy! Will you be my toy?” I’m not ashamed to say I skipped THAT one. I was skeptical of there being any quality material there.

AND we introduce Zeisha’s weird little robot-servant/care bear thing, Boo. Which ought to have really annoyed and freaked me out, but by now I was ready for ANYTHING. But since on the whole, any really futuristic stuff was missing from the film, I think we have to assume it was things like Boo that they spent their large special effects budget on. Interesting choice. Very interesting.

A bunch of stuff happens which neither develops characters, or makes the plot progress or anything, but Karan/Harman makes this face whenever Zeisha/Priyanka does something totally weird and without motivation (hence, pretty much all the time).

There is also a totally gratuitous villain

and a simulated fight game straight out of The Island. But Priyanka does wear a great outfit

Karan wears a cool outfit, too (NOT) and then dances in a way vaguely reminiscent of Hrithik but minus the totally awesome.

Zeisha writes in her future-diary how she’s falling for this guy, and I took a snap of it entirely because I think it was the one cool futuristic thing in the whole movie. How cool is this?Yeah, I really want one!

And they fall in love and write a song together (on a keyboard that looks like it would be very difficult to play on) I have to wonder what purpose the curve in the keyboard serves. It’s almost as pointless as a keytar.

Then pointless drama happens and the lovers are separated, but she reads Sana’s diary after Karan accidentally drops it and realizes she’s Sana’s reincarnation. Meanwhile Karan fights the bad guy and his minions.

This involves lightsabers

Thus when this happens I can’t help but feel that on the way down Hoshi (the random villian) is going to shout “Karan, I am your father!” or something. But he doesn’t, but for that matter he doesn’t die then either. Because more totally random stuff has to happen before the end.

More totally random stuff happens. And we begin to wonder if they will get back to the time machine in time. Then they get back to the time machine in time. Yay! Movie over. Oh, not quite. First we are toldAwwwwh.

And then they watch a video of the futureAnd everyone happily accepts that Zeisha = Sana. Apparently she fits in perfectly. The End. Happy, happy, happy! (and we can all hope that Zeisha will ditch the red hair because it looks totally AWFUL on her)

Oddly, I was never actually bored watching the movie because it really keeps you on your toes wondering what sort of totally random and crazy thing is going to happen next.

The real problem is not the totally weird and random stuff that happens (this is Bollywood after all), but the fact that you pretty much don’t care about the characters at all. In fact, calling them characters is a bit much. Even Boman Irani failed to impress me (although he did occasionally amuse me), Priyanka’s performance felt incredibly stilted, and Harman showed pretty much no creativity, charm or real showmanship at all. If I can say that What’s Your Rashee is a better movie by comparison, I think you should understand what a poor specimen of a movie this really is.

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2 Comments

  1. Cindy said,

    May 9, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    I’m glad I watched Love Story 2050 just so I can giggle along when I read reviews like this. It’s a more enjoyable film in retrospect than it was at the time.

  2. Sarah said,

    May 11, 2010 at 8:32 am

    That’s a good positive attitude :)

    Yeah, the most fun I had watching this film was taking screen caps to make fun of it later. Kind sad really, because in general I pretty much love almost anything that comes out of Bollywood. But there comes a point when enough is enough.


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